The Issue #9
By: Bryon Frazier
August 15, 2003
This Issue
Leg drop, flag shot DQ, Unprettier, countout, clothesline, top rope crossbody, Spear and Jackhammer.
That's one of the most pathetic sets of finishing moves for a wrestling show that I've ever seen. In all of that, only 2 even have the right to be called finishers. For me, finishing maneuvers have always been as important as anything else. I always preferred that the Rock ended his bouts with the Rock Bottom rather than the People's Elbow. I used to like being able to count on Triple H hitting the Pedigree to win (rather than trying to swerve us with that shitty sleeper hold). It would take me some time and thought to recall a match where Austin won without the Stunner since he started using it. In all, the finish is the key to the whole match. A great battle can be severely hampered by a goofy ending. A good bout needs a definitive ending -- one guy getting the final best of another guy. It's the lasting impression, it's Michaels missing a Sweet Chin Music and taking a Stunner for his troubles. It's Austin passing out in a pool of blood while locked in the Sharpshooter. It's the Last Ride, the Razor's Edge, the Chokeslam, the Tombstone, the Mandible Claw, the Figure Four . . . it's not the Hurricane hitting a flying cross body.
So with all that in mind, I think I should at least call out all the finishers being used these days that are actually worthy of concluding a good match, and just like last week, any finisher that never gets used simply doesn't count. The first is of course the Pedigree. I may not be able to stand the man who uses it, but it's always been a favorite of mine for reasons even I can't fathom. Nevertheless, when it's hit it's a foregone conclusion that the recipient has been killed dead. The Chokeslam (Kane's and Show's versions) also has this kind of respect, although I really wish the Undertaker would stop using it, so then Kane's finisher would be all to himself. Speaking of the Dead Man, you gotta love the Last Ride because it's pretty much the quintessential powerbomb. Nevertheless, the Nashknife Powerbomb is pretty good in its own right, so I'm perfectly satisfied to see it at the climax of a great fight, but then again how often has that happened?
Of course, if Nash used the Frog Splash like RVD and Eddie Guerrero, then the world would be right. Regardless, this and the Shooting Star Press (thumbs up, cheap pop) seem to be the only top rope moves being used these days that are worthy of being called finishers. Incidentally, all submission finishers automatically qualify simply because there need to be more of them. The same goes for all tag moves except for that stupid Resistance slam thingy. That's pure bottom-barrel in terms of tag team cooperation. I mean, Chris F-B and I could do that to someone, and any tag maneuver that fails the "Chris F-B and I" test also fails the "Finisher" test. Moving on, the only striking move that passes is the Sweet Chin Music, and when Michaels finally retires forever, I can't imagine anyone else ever getting a simple kick to work for them on that same level again.
I already mentioned that all submissions qualify, so that means Jazz is doing just fine, but aside from her, Victoria is the only woman using something I'd be proud to call a finisher in the Widow's Peak. The Molly Go Round is decent, but it seems more like a set-up move than something to score a pin. Besides, with Molly's considerable ability, I think she needs something more. Back to the men, A-Train's Canadian backbreaker-style move (the Derailer?) works just fine for me, but if he never wins another match for the rest of his life then that would work for me even better. On the other hand, I'd like to see Matt Hardy's Twist of Fate win a lot more bouts in the future. The same goes for the Sliced Bread #2 and Ultimo's Flipover DDT, which are basically variations of the same move, but I like both and I like the guys who are using them so all is well.
That's it, that's every finisher currently being used in the WWE that I actually like. I suppose next week I can address the rest, and more specifically touch on why I don't like them. However, in the meantime you'll just have to sit there in suspense and speculate as to why I disapprove of the F5.
A Reason Why I Miss WCW
This week's reason was fairly easy to choose. I was just going to continue the above topic and apply it to WCW. However, then something happened this week that commanded some attention: Hulk Hogan celebrated his 50th birthday.
I've mentioned on a few occasions (and it's in my little blurb on the columnists page) that I started watching wrestling when Hulk was the top dog, and that I first saw WCW in mid-98. This means that each time I began with a new promotion, Hulk Hogan was at the top of the company, though sadly, this phenomenon didn't continue with ECW, but we can always dream. Anyway, back in the 80's I was a full-fledged Hulkamaniac. When WCW came along for me, I had grown out of that phase, but I still got a kick out of seeing Hogan do his thing. Sure, at this point the NWO was becoming convoluted, with the Wolfpack feud and all, but there was still an air of cool around Hollywood. Pretty much on every Nitro, you could count on the production guys to kick up "Voodoo Child," then see Hogan come out while being flanked by approximately 44 members of the New World Order in order to cut a promo. It might've seemed silly to most, but there were so many little nuances to the Hogan/NWO era, even at toward the end, that really struck me as great. For example, seeing Eric Bischoff, the President of WCW, acting as nothing more than a Hogan lackey (possibly not too far from reality at the time) was enough to convince me that Hulk was still on top.
Also, the fact that Hogan rolled so deep (translation: had a lot of people hanging around him) also gave the impression that he was untouchable. I mean, who would rush the ring when he has Hall, the Giant, Norton, Adams, Larry, Moe, Curly, Huey, Dewey, Louie, Bashful, Sneezy, Dopey, Doc, Donner, Blitzen and Comet all watching his back? He was also the only guy who was allowed to use a foreign object (his weight belt) in every match, regardless of the rules that were stipulated.
It wasn't just the NWO days where Hulk was fun to watch. I enjoyed his feud with Kidman as well. Granted, Hogan did most of the winning in that one, making Kidman look like chicken feed, but I think I recall an armored tank division running in and holding Hogan down long enough for Kidman to hit the Shooting Star Press (thumbs up, cheap pop) and possibly pick up a W. Then, how can anyone forget Hulk Hogan's second greatest moment in WCW: Bash At The Beach 2000. I mean, who else could've been told off by Vince Russo of all people, and actually have the internet wrestling community set ablaze with interest in the WCW product once again? Sure, it didn't ammount to anything as the company was leaking money from every orifice, but without Hogan in WCW, we never would've had this, one of the last true mark-out moments in wrestling.
So to Terry "Hulk Hogan" Bollea, I wish a belated Happy 50th Birthday. You are Reason #5 for why I miss WCW, brother!