The Issue #7
By: Bryon Frazier
July 31, 2003
The Issue
So I'm sitting here Sunday night chatting with Chris F-B as he watches Vengeance and relays the significant events to me. I didn't order the show myself because I haven't watched a wrestling pay-per-view since InVasion, a whole two years ago. I was seriously tempted because I wanted to watch my current favorite wrestler John Cena defeat the Undertaker and thus jump into the upper echelon of the Smackdown roster. In retrospect it's a good thing I didn't give in to my temptations as I would've been supremely disappointed.
Anyway, Chris first messages me that Taker hits a chokeslam and pulls Cena up after a two-count. I'm nervous, but I feel that this may spell good news as Taker got to prove that he could've won the match if he wanted and therefore would save face when he lost. Then Chris informs me that Cena has had little to no offense so far. I'm worried, but I see a silver lining as Taker may be able to claim that he dominated most of the match prior to losing in the end. Even if it would be a fluke pin, it'd still be worth it for me. Shortly afterward, Chris alerts me to the fact that Cena has hit his finisher, but that Taker kicked out. I'm scared, but I'm convinced that it was so Taker can show how tough he is before ultimately doing the J-O-B. Almost immediately, Chris relays to me that Taker hit the Last Ride and scored the clean pin. I'm baffled.
Let me get this straight: Taker does a pull-up pin, dominates the match, kicks out of Cena's finisher, then defeats him cleanly. This is supposed to establish Cena how? Don't try to answer because it's a rhetorical question, and besides, this isn't a Q&A;forum. Yes, I read that the Undertaker was summoning the spirit of Ken Shamrock and bleeding from the mouth from the infamous phantom internal injuries, which only says that he was even able to overcome severe discomfort to win. All that did was make Cena look even weaker. Really though I have several problems with this whole development.
Firstly, there's the man, the myth, the legend, the Undertaker. I understand that he's on this whole "Decade of Destruction" trip and such, but let's get serious here. He is an old man who already had his time. It's over, it's passed, and it will never come back. I'm not calling for his retirement or anything like that, just that he should take a step back out of the limelight and let someone else have a turn. He could establish so many people if he'd actually lose for a change. I do realize that he doesn't book himself, but if he's so well respected then I imagine if he went to Vince and said "You know, I think this Cena kid would really get over if he beat me tonight" I have to imagine Vince would listen and probably give it a shot. Otherwise then I must beg the question "what the hell are they thinking?"
John Cena has had the crowds eating out of the palm of his hand lately. He has been on the verge of stardom for a while now and all he really needs is a big win to make his leap into the stratosphere. He lost to Billy Gunn in the US Championship tournament for Pete's sake, the least they can do is let him go over in a PPV match. I knew it was bad when it became apparent that the Taker would be his opponent, but I still felt that they needed to throw him a bone at some point, and it's not like the Dead Man empire would crumble with one loss to a popular co-worker. This is what made this match so frustrating. I was always under the impression that the company's goal is to make stars out of its employees. I hadn't seen a better opportunity to do exactly that in quite a while, but they set it up perfectly. Cena's been cutting great promo after great promo. He even got to share a segment with Stephanie McMahon, so all the signs pointed to "major push." I was completely prepared for the beginning of the John Cena era, and I hadn't been this excited about watching one wrestler since the Rock circa Summer '98. It was clear to me that Sunday night was going to be the start of something special.
Then the match took place.
A Reason Why I Miss WCW
This is possibly the first reason that I miss WCW that the WWE is actually trying to recreate, but it's not going to happen. No matter how many of their lesser guys they put Goldberg over, they will never be able to recapture the magic he had during his streak down south. It was far and away the simplest attempt to get someone over ever. Take this intense, musclebound former football player and have him squash people for a year. The fans ate it up. I'm not really pleading for a return of the Streak or anything even remotely resembling it. What I wish to experience once more is the aura of Goldberg from that time.
A Goldberg match was an event, and WCW knew how to maximize that event without leaving him in the ring for too long to expose his inexperience. The whole thing took some tweaking but they eventually worked it all the way into an artform. First, the music would kick up. It was the kind of theme that could've been lost on the average wrestler, but with a guy like Goldberg it gave you the feeling that someone great this way comes. After a few seconds as the crowd would go crazy and the "Goldberg" chants (both real and piped) would kick up, we'd see Head of Security Doug Dillinger pound on Goldberg's dressing room door. That's when we'd hear a sudden, loud bang from inside the locker room. It was occasionally revealed that he was smashing his forehead into a locker inside his dressing room before coming out. In fact, sometimes he'd even break the skin when doing this.
We're now about ten to fifteen seconds into the entrance and only now does he emerge into view for the first time, with or without the small wound near the top of his head and, after July, with the big gold belt around his waist. From here a team of security guards would escort Goldberg from his dressing room to the entrance into the arena. Then there were the pyrotechnics. Often times the entire television screan would be bright white from all the sparks as they engulfed him. This shower would be immediately followed by explosions behind him as he finally showed that he was even alive, including a small array of punches along with some ticks, twitches, grunts, and growls that made you think he was either about to savagely murder someone or have a seizure.
The average Goldberg squash would last all of 45 seconds. He'd come in, occasionally bother to no-sell some punches, throw the guy into the ropes, spear him, jackhammer him, and pin him. He'd go back to his grunts and growls as he looked maniacally into the camera for his post-match celebration. The whole thing would often take 5 minutes or more, even if the match itself was only a fraction of that. As I said, WCW knew how to maximize the guy's act including winning a match without actually making him wrestle too much. It was all a thing of beauty, and no matter how hard the WWE tries they will never have the "testicular fortitude" to follow through with it. Even now they're only half-assing it. He doesn't squash people often enough (it needs to be every show), he talks too much, and they don't even do the extended entrance that is specifically intended to give the Berg more face time since his matches never last long. These are all key ingredients to giving off the classic Goldberg mystique, but the WWE will never come through on these because they all go against their formula.
The Goldberg Experience during the Streak is Reason #19 for why I miss WCW.