The Issue #6
By: Bryon Frazier
July 24, 2003
The Issue
Rumor has it that Shane O'Mac is on his way back to the promised land of televised wrestling shows. With the exception of a cameo appearance or two, we haven't seen Shane McMahon since the conclusion of the Invasion angle. This has been a McMahon family record ever since they all started making regular appearances (Linda doesn't count as she is only a McMahon by marriage, not by blood). Meanwhile, Vince is trying to build himself as the biggest heel on Smackdown. On top of that, Stephanie is engaging in food fights with Sable and even the black sheep Linda is taking "bumps" to "put over" the "talent."
I've given up wishing that the McMahon clan would go away, and instead just try to enjoy anything about them that I can. Over the years I've gotten a kick out of Vince's overacting, Stephanie's breasts, Shane's decent matches, and Linda's absence so all is not lost with the McMahon clan. However, I feel that if I have to tolerate them then they should throw me a bone and get rid of a few other characters to maximize my viewing pleasure. On Smackdown, I'd really love it if Billy Gunn, Zach Gowan, Rikishi, Undertaker, and Bradshaw would all be put out to pasture. I know Rikishi is currently recovering from elective surgery but he will return, and I will cry.
Billy Gunn seems like a self-explanatory choice, but the fact is that unlike most wrestling fans I NEVER liked him. All the way back when he was the talented member of D-X I still couldn't tolerate the man. Zach Gowan has been fun to watch in a completely non-wrestling capacity, but the second that leg came off in his match against the Big Show, my stomach turned against me. There should be a disclaimer about disturbing images when he comes out for a match. The fact is that no one wants to watch a guy hopping around with only one leg while getting thrown about like he's nothing. It's just really uncomfortable. Rikishi was highly entertaining when he first showed up (with this gimmick, of course), which shortly thereafter included Too Cool. Watching the fat man dance was a treat, but every such gimmick wears out its welcome at some point, and once it was dropped Rikishi became just another fat Samoan. I'm not being stereotypical, that's his act these days. The Undertaker lost all favor with me with the Ministry of Darkness fiasco. His gimmick change since then has been a complete bore and the only benefit it's brought is the Last Ride powerbomb. At this point he's too old to capture any new glory other than some nostalgia value that would fade after a few shows. Bradshaw just plain worries me. I don't know if it's the hazing rumors or the new Monty Sopp hairstyle, but I don't ever want to watch him in action again. If that means that he has to take FFaarrooqq (whom I like, despite being unable to spell his name) with him, then so be it. A notable absentee from this is the Big Show, and that's because he's actually decent at times, and he generally plays a good heel. Fans love to hate the guy.
Raw isn't innocent in this matter by a long shot. In fact, the first step for Raw will be to tell King, Coach, and JR where to find the door and to replace them with someone who is going to bring something to the announce table instead of only take away. Val Venis has no purpose on the roster other than to be a jobber, so why not just go back to having jobber squashes? We need to know who the next generation's Iron Mike Sharpe will be. I'm willing to give Rosey a reprieve due to his potential tag team with Hurricane. As long as Kevin Nash stays in his current capacity of "nothing special" then he can stay as well and the same goes for his WCW comrade Scott Steiner. On the other hand though, I think I'm finally sick and tired of Rob Van Dam.
Allow me to share a theory that Chris F-B presented to me. RVD needs to wrestle less. His overexposure over the past few years have burned people out on his style of matches. On top of this, since he wrestles so much more often than he did for ECW, it also prevents him from being as daring as he was in those days. He can't afford to put himself at risk so often or else he'll break down in record time. The WWE should only allow RVD to wrestle on PPV, then he'd be able to go nuts one night a month (and a selection of house shows of course to avoid ring rust) and then spend the 28 or so days in between recuperating. Eh, maybe this wouldn't work in practice, but I've seen those same kicks, splits, and flips so many times that they need to try something drastic. This isn't the Rob Van Dam that put together an insane cult following in the late 90s, this is a WWE-bastardized version who just seems burned out and has resorted to sleepwalking to his paychecks.
Getting back to the point, the lack of Triple H from my Raw list probably seems conspicuous, but the truth is that he's the most over guy on the show this side of Steve Austin so it'd be pure stupidity to get rid of him. Besides, he has to lose the World Title in order to put over a face and thus create the man that will carry the company for years to come. I suppose it's too bad he can't job the title to himself, or else it would've already happened by now.
A Reason Why I Miss WCW
Another seeming absence from my Raw list is Mr. Boring himself, Lance Storm. That's because I learned a while back that Lance can be very entertaining and a total joy to watch if given the opportunity. As of yet the WWE has not given him that opportunity.
No, it wasn't in ECW that he won me over. I found Storm to be boring and repetitive in those days. It was when he entered WCW and shortly afterward won the US Title (renaming it the Canadian Title, complete with a sticker that perfectly corrected the belt), the Cruiserweight Title, and the Hardcore Title (renamed the Saskatchewan Hardcore International Title, loads of comedy there!). WCW was willing to put every minor title around Storm's waist which I thought was ingenious. It showed they had total faith in this guy who at that point had nothing going for him other than being a well-hyped technical wrestler. As if that wasn't enough, they then gave the man his own stable. They were called Team Canada despite the fact that Storm was the only regular that was actually Canadian. Sure, Pierre Oulette and Jacques Rougeau associated themselves with the group for a cup of coffee, and I believe I remember Bret Hart giving them a handshake or something, but the real members were Storm, Elix Skipper, Mike Awesome, Jim Duggan, and Major Gunns. Sadly, Storm made the mistake of giving some of his belts to his lackeys, thus ruining the mystique of a man holding a three titles.
The key to the whole thing was that Lance Storm struck me as totally credible in the role. He won his titles cleanly despite being a heel (a rarity to see these days) and his technical skill did make him look like a formidable foe. The only problem was that it didn't take too long for WCW to start to scale back on the Lance Storm experience. As I mentioned, they had him give two of his belts away and then he began feuding with various other stables, including the worst of the worst, the Misfits in Action, with a focus on Storm vs. General Rection (aka Hugh Morrus, aka Bill DeMott). On top of all that, the company was on a slippery slope toward bankruptcy anyway so it was all for naught. Some months later, WCW was bought by WWE and Lance Storm was doing nothing again. Flash forward to today and we're told to boo the man any time we see him. I don't boo, I shed a tear over the lost potential of yet another talented individual whose presence I was only able to enjoy while on Uncle Ted's Wild Ride.
Lance Storm and his awesomely amazing push are 79th, and probably chronologically the last reason why I miss WCW.