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The Issue #4

By: Bryon Frazier
July 10, 2003

The Issue

Hulk Hogan was an icon to many when they were little. It was cool to watch a 300 lb., musclebound man preach on about everything that's good and wholesome before beating the crap out of the villain du jour. He was like an old-school comic book hero! On top of that he was a full-fledged patriot, so really if you were an American youth then Hogan could do no wrong. Skip forward several years and we have Lex Luger trying to completely recreate the Hogan/80's experience. It failed miserably. What went wrong? What was so different? At some point afterward, it dawned on the then-WWF braintrust that perhaps their viewers were sick and tired of good and wholesome characters, and I dare to guess that the popularity of the Undertaker was a signal. Wrestling fans wanted to cheer for a guy that could be dark and twisted, yet still fought against the bad guys. He was like a new-school comic book hero!

Of course, the Undertaker would never become "the man" as long as he was having casket matches with Yokozuna and ANY matches with the Giant Gonzalez. The days of the cartoon-style characters were ending, thanks to the fact that the children who loved those characters had grown into teenagers who despise anything that associated with childhood. Every teenager wanted to be a bad-ass, and the Taker was the only wrestler that came close to that persona, but he was still a cartoon. Then came the Steve Austin craze, and the wrestling world was once again set on fire just like Hogan's day. The children from the 80's came flocking back because once again they'd found a wrestler they wanted to idolize. Not only did the old fans return, but a whole new wave of fans who also liked the idea of a rebel who didn't care about anyone or anything.

This brings us to today. The 80's fans and the late 90's fans are still floating around out there, and they still have a place in their hearts for wrestling. The fact that they used to watch it means they're capable of watching again if the product appeals to them. The WWE was able to bring back the old Hogan-era viewers by maturing their product. That way the children that were Hulkamaniacs got to be Rattlesnake supporters as teenagers, but now those teenagers are early-20's adults. If the WWE can once again age their storylines then they could regain those millions of dormant wrestling fans.

Seems like a simple enough move, right? Not exactly. For starters we aren't even sure if this theory of mine is accurate. I could be way off base, but even if I'm not there are still other issues to consider. For instance, would the company actually want to keep maturing with its "baby boom"-like audience? If it does then we can only fear the day when Brian Kendrick enters the ring wearing Depends adult diapers and calling for cans of Ensure to be handed to him gently. Realistically the WWE should just relegate itself to a single age group to target and focus on that, but in the process must accept that they will never enjoy another explosion like the two before. Sure, there will still be ups and downs but never such a huge upward surge followed by a slow, painful decline back to normalcy.

The problem with this for me is that I'd have to accept the fact that some day, wrestling will no longer appeal to me. It'll no longer be appealling to my age group and I'll think it's mindless violence with some senseless vulgarity and pointless sexuality mixed in.

Please somebody, just shoot me when that day comes. Trust me, if I ever get to be like that then I'll deserve it.

A Reason Why I Miss WCW

Everyone has reasons that only they appreciate. You express them to other people and they're like "I don't know" or they may be outright with it and say "I disagree" or even "you're insane!". The fact of the matter though is that I positively loved the trio of David Flair, Daffney Unger, and Crowbar. In fact, everyone hated David Flair. Wait, I need to repeat that to make it clear: EVERYONE HATED David Flair. He was the second coming of Greg Gagne and Erik Watts rolled into one. He was embarrassingly bad in the ring and they insisted on pushing him. He was quite possibly the worst full-time wrestler that I personally have ever witnessed.

Having said that, the greatness of Flair, Daffney, and Crowbar officially died for me when David left. He was essential, if for nothing else than the fact that Daffney was originally introduced through the old WCW Nitro Party tape contests as David Flair's number one fan (take into account that EVERYONE HATED David Flair, then you'll get the genius of this). David and Daffney's escapades peaked with them riding around Salisbury, Maryland and running into a gas station attendant named Crowbar who helped to fight off the attack of Vampiro and the rock band the Misfits. The WWE wishes it could be that unpredictable. So anyway, Crowbar of course joins up with them in their eternal battle against sanity. The gimmick was really that simple, they were all lunatics. However it worked because each member brought something for everyone. Flair brought name power and was truly convincing as a Grade-A nut, Crowbar (the immortal Devin Storm) brought wrestling ability, but Daffney was the crown jewel that made it all work.

If it had just been David and Crowbar running around doing nutty things they would've been on Wrestlecrap faster than you can say Katie Vick. It was Daffney (real name: Shannon Spruill-Ward, last seen nationally in NWA: TNA) that made them stand out with the combination of the maniacal laughing and spine-tingling screams at ringside that just made every match involving these people into an event. She was the most charismatic woman I've ever seen in wrestling, and I absolutely mean that. Why the WWE hasn't sought this woman out and added her to the show is completely beyond me. Then again, they'd probably find some way to blow it so I guess it's best that she remains only in my memories. The WWE could never capture the magic of the classic Italian Stretcher Match from Superbrawl X, where Daffney began ringing the bell midway through the match. If I see something like that done today I'd probably just accuse it of being unoriginal, and it was the originality that made her so fun to watch back in WCW.

So yeah, Daffney and David with Crowbar tagging along is Reason #27 for why I miss WCW.

(Editor's note: Dave Scherer has just reported Daffney's signing with WWE. We'll see what happens.)

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