The Issue #10
By: Bryon Frazier
August 21, 2003
The Issue
News update: A Rumor from the internet wrestling community is that the original plan of the US Title tournament was for Chris Benoit to defeat Matt Hardy in the final. However, the plan was changed due to the surge in popularity of Eddie Guerrero. In other news, John Cena doesn't have a match at Summerslam. In yet other news, A-Train will be wrestling the Undertaker at Summerslam. This has been your weekly news update. We now join the regularly scheduled program, already in progress.
. . . and that's why you should never shave it. Moving on, last week I pointed out all of the finishers currently being used in the WWE that are actually worthy of preceding pinfalls and tap-outs. I also mentioned that the rest of the maneuvers being used in this capacity all have something holding them back. The most noteworthy of those left out would have to be Brock Lesnar's F5. The funny thing though is that I would've included the F5 months ago, just not now. Mainly it's because Lesnar has changed the execution in order to make it safer for the recipient. It used to be a fireman's carry into a DDT, but these days it just looks like a modified bodyslam of sorts. It simply doesn't strike me as devastating like it once did.
This is also what I hold against John Cena's FU, it's also just another overly complex Samoan drop. If Cena performed it in the same fashion as Saturn's Death Valley Driver, it would become perfectly acceptable, even commendable. As for Goldberg's Spear and Jackhammer, both appear to need some work. Back in WCW, he had this combination down to an artform. However, since his arrival in the WWE, I've seen maybe one really good Spear and no good Jackhammers yet from the man. Speaking of WCW finishers, Randy Orton's RKO just always looks bad. He needs to watch a montage of Diamond Dallas Page hitting the Diamond Cutter in order to learn how to make the move work. The rest of the finishers that I don't like have nothing to do with the execution. Things like Sean O'Haire's Widowmaker, the Angle Slam, and the Lionsault just fall flat with me. They look like a lot of show and not much actual impact. The same goes for Bradshaw's Clothesline from H-E-Double hockey sticks. At the end of the day it's still a clothesline. Christian, Trish Stratus, and Rey Mysterio all suffer a problem of their own: their finishers are too complex. The Unprettier takes too long, Trish's bulldog requires too much opponent participation, and Rey Mysterio's 619-West Coast Pop combo requires the opponent to react just perfectly to each step. In that regard it reminds me of watching Austin in the Royal Rumble. Any time he would hit the Stunner, his opponent would automatically pop to their feet and stumble to the ropes to be immediately eliminated. Since this never happens any other time the Stunner is performed, it becomes just plain insulting to the intelligence.
Booker T, Tajiri, and Hurricane all need to revert to their older finishers. Booker needs to use the Missile Dropkick, Tajiri the Brainbuster, and Hurricane the Vertebreaker. When I see them use their WWE moves, I just keep saying to myself how much better off they'd be if they'd never switched. Tommy Dreamer and Val Venis on the other hand do need to make a change from the DDT and Money Shot respectively, since both have been used and abused for approximately 20+ years now. If either man were the one to make the finisher famous then it would be okay, but that's not the case. This also applies to Rhyno, who needs to use something other than the Gore as it just looks like stealing to me. I understood its use while Goldberg wasn't in the company, but now that he is, Rhyno needs something he can call his own. That leaves it all down to Billy Gunn, who's finisher is an enigma. I can respect it when it comes to ending matches, but it might possibly be the simplest move in the world, and I can't help but hold that against it.
I think that's just about it. Any and all that I've missed last week and this week fall under one of three reasons for their lack of inclusion: 1) The wrestler doesn't use any one move consistently; 2) The wrestler doesn't have a finisher; 3) I've never seen the wrestler win a match. So if you or anyone close to you falls under one of these categories, don't panic. You still have time to rectify the situation in one easy step: get a finisher and use it.
A Reason Why I Miss WCW
I fondly remember the period that I call the glory days of wrestling. No, it wasn't the eighties, it was way back when Raw was cool and Nitro was three hours long. Both shows were so much fun to watch that it also became a problem. Sometimes I'd have trouble selecting which program to view at a given moment. Which match would I prefer to see? Do I want to listen to Wrestler A's promo or watch Wrestler B trounce Wrestler C? These were never as simple as they'd seem, especially for someone who liked so many competitors on each show. I mean really, how can you choose the Rock over Bret Hart? Or vice versa for that matter? At least the first hour of Nitro wasn't an issue since it was uncontested. That way I got to watch all the Norman Smiley and Silver King that my heart desired, but what about when Chris Jericho or Raven have their match in the second, or even third hour? Granted, I'm dying to see these guys do battle, but then what if Raw is putting on the greatest match in wrestling history? That likely was never the case, but one could never be sure.
This is where WCW came through for me. After both shows went off the air, TNT would go back to their usual horrible programming and I'd be left wondering what I missed on each show because I opted to watch the other. However, one night I noticed that there was always a gem of greatness nestled somewhere around 1 to 3 AM (the starting time moved around): a Nitro replay. Yes, I'm aware that staying up into the wee hours of the night to watch a wrestling show is somewhat sick, but back in the summer of '98 I hadn't a care in the world for sleep, or normalcy for that matter. This fact settled many debates for me. If I wasn't sure which show was featuring something I'd prefer to watch, the default choice was forever Raw because I knew that later I could catch everything on Nitro that I missed.
I imagine I wasn't the only person that made this decision, so I suppose in that way it was a detriment to WCW that they aired a Nitro replay. Less people would feel inclined to watch during the live show. Even when the summer was over and I could no longer afford to be up until the morning, I still took advantage of this by setting my VCR to record the replay, starting with the second hour of course.
So to WCW, I would like to thank you for preventing me from developing carpal tunnel from constant channel-changing. Your late night replay is reason #17 for why I miss you.